Where's Sandman?

It's 1am and I am wide awake. What is keeping me awake? Nanowrimo. I am now obsessed with writing my story. I forced myself to bed to get rest. Terrible headache. I still have it. It makes it hard to write. So I'm under my covers writing a blog post. I think I'm stressing out as well. I have a lot to do tomorrow and all I want to do is write. I've ignored the dishes, laundry and bathing my dog. I believe it will get worse by mid November. By the end of the month my house will look like a hoarder's house and I'll be sleeping on a cat piss covered mattress on the floor but guess what? I'll have my novel finished. Or at least hit 50,000 word. Oh my goodness. I think sandman has finally sprinkled sand in my eyes. Is sleep really going to happen? Zzzz. Goodnight writers.

Let the Night Begin.

Okay boys and girls it is time for Nanowrimo and I am ready to write. It is Halloween night, the candy has been giving out I'm on my second beer. I'm eating grapes and I hope my headache don't come back. Did I do outline? Not really. I did do an assload of scenes. I'm very happy about that because at least I know what's going on for my story.  least I got somewhere to start for my story. Now the question is am I going to start writing tonight at midnight or will I wait until tomorrow to write it.  It depends on how drunk I get and if I pass out or how drunk I get and if I can write. I don't know. We'll see but I do want to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. Eat lots of candy and have a sugar fix. Enjoy yourself take care.

Politics Bull

Going to do early voting so I can be done with this shit. 

Outline Or No Outline

Well, I worked on my outline and I have good news and bad news. The good news is I work them outline. Bad news is I didn't get very far. But no worries because I have something on paper. I have an idea of where things are going. My only concern is I hope that I had enough meat for the story. But I'm very positive that I can put out a lot this year. I have some things cooking in my head and I'm eager to put it down on paper. How about you? Are you working on an outline? How far have you gone on your outline? Let's stick together, we could do this. I still consider myself a newbie even though I have been doing Nanowrimo for 4 years. So tell me what are your thoughts on how you write your novel. Outline or no outline? Take care and happy writing.

Time To Outline

Let's get one thing straight. I hate outlining. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. So you ask why do you outline? It's not the fact that I do it. I'm just not good at it. Nanowrimo is in 18 days. At least I have a story idea. It's a story I attempted to write a couple of years ago but have lost it. It's gone. I have no idea where it is. So I'm starting over with a fresh start. Fresh everything. Well, except for a few ideas and plots here and there. So why am I having a hard time outlining if it's a story I'm familiar with? Could it be laziness? I am a procrastinator. Or could it be pure excitement to just get started already? Let's say its that. Sounds more positive. (I'm in denial) So tonight I am going to make the attempt, no scratch that, I am going to work on the outline. At least some of it. Let's see how it goes. I'll keep you posted. 

In My Dark Hole Smiling

As you can see by my picture on the right side of this post, I am feeling much better today. What a couple of Prozac pills can do for you. However, I am still concerned over the effects of long term use. But then I think back and remember that I have been on anti-depressants my entire adult life. And the results? My brain is almost mush but hey no anxieties and I don't care. So not true. I still have anxieties and for real I don't care. It's like having to grow up watching Dallas with your mother only for them to start playing the damn show again. Its old. Done that. It still doesn't work.

I noticed that people don't read my blog. It's okay. I don't either.

I had a crazy dream last night. I was with a group of people on an athletic trip. I was on the "blue team" however, they kicked me out because I said something to piss someone off. Then the "red team" did want me. Someone said I was vulgar and brutally honest that leaned toward being utterly rude. I told my girlfriend this dream and she said I have no tact anyway. So back to the dream. I got tired of being ostracized so I quit the team, packed my bags, broke up with my girlfriend because I'm no good for her, then moved to London and wrote stories in an Irish pub full of screaming hairy white men. Of all the dreams I've had this one stuck with me all day. Maybe because it woke me up in the middle of the night and I could not go back to sleep. Does this mean I have to write a story about this? I'm not superstitious. So I don't want to look for a meaning. Just for the hell of it....I'll think about it. I have too many stories to work on.

I am currently reading Stephen King on writing. It's awesome.

I wish someone would comment so I can talk back. I'm so lonely in this dark hole in the ground. 

No Prozac Today Makes A Sucky Day

It's raining. I feel like the rain. I think I'm depressed. Maybe because I didn't take my medication. Again. My poor girlfriend. I think I'm really getting on her nerves. I can't help it. My brain is mush. It feels like it's dead and I can't think I don't want to think. Just wanna be in a padded room in a corner in the fetal position. I seem to be forgetting a lot lately. I don't implement my routine. It's not like I don't have one. I just don't care. Maybe that's it. Just don't care. What am I gonna do? My girlfriend wants me to go to therapy. Its so expensive.  Talking about it gets old. I'm going to have to figure it out. I miss writing. I can't get myself to do it. Last week was real good. This week is like I"m in a hole. It's all I think about. I can't do it just can't.

I just watched a movie called Prozac World. It had top star actors and it was great. It opened my eyes to my own depressing in relation to my writing. When I'm down I can't write. Well, actually I can write. I just don't work on the writing I should be working on. 

I will take my meds tomorrow. Hopefully.